Even your always-friendly ARTA guide has a breaking point
The Open Division Podium
Maintaining a long-distance relationship
“It’s hard to FaceTime eight days worth of a relationship into 90 minutes of time-off between back-to-back trips. More than once this summer I told my boyfriend I loved him from the produce aisle.”
Dumping boxes filled with six-day-old garbage into overflowing fly-infested dumpsters on 110 degree take-out days.
“Gold Medal if you can do this without gagging.”
Tying odd-shaped objects into the gear boat while everyone is waiting
“I’ve cried.”
Honorable Mention
Pulling buckets apart
“#!$@?!%”
The Natural Division Podium
The water
“I don’t really like to get splashed.”
The sun
“Really?
Every day?”
The wind
“I’ve cried.”
Honorable Mention
The sand
“The only time I like sand is when I shake it out of some random piece of clothing in January and it reminds me of July.”
The Very Personal Pet Peeve Podium
Running out of (whipped cream/ avocado/ pineapple) before I get my (brownie/ sandwich/ lunch).
“I hate it when the whipped cream can just sputters and drips on my brownie. Such a heartbreak.”
Sitting between ***** and ***** [names omitted] in the backseat of the gear truck for the 8-hour Main Salmon take-out drive.
“I’d rather dump trash.”
Seeing someone else wearing my favorite negligee on dress-up night.
“I’ve cried.”
Honorable Mention
Shrinking lifejackets
“Is it just me, or does everyone’s lifejacket shrink while we’re eating lunch? Must be the sun.”
But when the garbage is dumped,
and the 8-hour drive is over,
and the boyfriend is on his way to go on the next trip (for FREE!),
we know it is the world’s-best job.
Thank you for making it possible.
